How you can help yourself when you’re stressed – a guide for new mothers

Motherhood is a state that can be joyful and demanding at the same time.  Sometimes, new mothers feel warm and fuzzy about their baby and sometimes they feel fearful and uncertain about how to proceed.  It’s often the case that new mothers swing between these two states on a regular basis.  And of course, there are those mothers who feel stressed and depressed when the baby arrives and need to find ways to help themselves.  New motherhood can seem overwhelming at times.

One first-time mother talked about her sense of desperation and her hurt when people didn’t seem to understand and told her ‘to snap out of it’.  She said, ‘All I want to do is snap out of it, but it’s not that easy.’  People around the first-time stressed mom think they’re being helpful by making such comments as ‘relax’, ‘go back to work’, ‘you’re worrying too much’,  ‘you’re working too hard’ and ‘go see a counselor’.  It’s not that such comments can’t occasionally be helpful, but very often they are too pat and don’t take into consideration the individual circumstances of the new mom.

What the new mom needs are some tips to help her help herself.  By learning to help herself, the woman is empowered and strengthened in her new sense of self.  Motherhood brings with it a new role and knowing how to cope within that new role leads to feeling empowered.

Tips for becoming less stressed

• It seems simple enough, but when you’re feeling stressed, you need to breathe evenly and deeply.  Opening your diaphragm to allow the chest to expand fully is a great stress-beater.
• Consciously deciding to take time out for yourself is important.  Relaxing physically and emotionally can de-stress you.  Ask your partner or a parent or friend to help out with the baby so that you can have some regular time to yourself.
• Setting a daily routine – as far as it’s possible – is vital.  Babies can bring a sense of unpredictably into your life, but remember that having an idea of how your day will look is comforting and de-stressing.  Have a plan in mind – and don’t feel too bad if the daily demands mean not sticking to it!
• Avoid any bad habits that seem tempting.  When we’re feeling stressed, it’s too easy to resort to comfort eating.  Resist the temptation to overeat because if you do, you’ll probably feel badly about having done so.  That way lies even more stress!
• Plug into your support network.  Wellbeing and happiness come from having good, supportive relationships.  Call on your relatives, friends and colleagues to find the support that empowers you.

Being a new mom means lots of activity and ‘doing’.  Whenever possible, cultivate stillness.  Stillness is a wonderful stress releaser.

If you want to learn more about how to help yourself when you’re feeling stressed see Out of the Blues:  Helping Woman Overcome Depression 

Bio

Zita Weber, Ph.D. is an author and honorary academic, and has worked as a counselor and therapist with individuals, couples and families.  She has researched and written about communication, relationships, anxiety and stress, sexuality, depression and loss and grief.  More information about her work and books can be found at: ZitaWeber.com.